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I got to New England and realized, I need to cut my toenails!

Can you see’em?

toe jam

Maybe not at first but zoom in a little… I originally took this picture because I wanted to people to know that I took a nap under a tree in a park looking out at the changing fall foliage in Connecticut. It wasn’t until I was about to post it that I realized that the keratin deposits at the end of my foot digits were way too noticeable at a distance. I should really cut them dogs. But what if I was attacked while barefoot? Then I might regret not having razor sharp talonfeet. You would think that I was unable to see my feet… I do manage to shower every couple of days, I’m not fat. Sometimes my balls swell up from lack of activity but their not that big really. Have you ever had a wet dream but didn’t remember it? It happened to me the other night, it sucked! I thought that wet dreams were over in my 20’s… NOPE! I guess my body has it’s own pressure release valve, like it’s telling me I need to masturbate more, where is the question… but that’s not the point, the point is I would have enjoyed the dream, I wouldn’t have minded it if I remembered! Then there would have been just cause. But no, I DIDN’T REMEMBER! I just woke up sticky. I hope I was dreaming about a “her”… sorry, yeah… toenails…

Well, despite my self neglect I am having a ball up here. I’ve never been to this part of the US before. I have been entertaining myself mostly, along with a few people every once in a while and all of the inanimate objects I have encountered so far. I do get bored sometimes though and I’m really not into defacing public property as a pastime but I was on my way from Meridan, CT to Allston, MA and I couldn’t help myself.

Connecticut Human Society
(if it doesn’t make sense watch my clip here) and yes, I’m too much of a puss to leave it like that. I took the tape off in case the hidden camera’s were watching and got my plates and decided to press charges. I really am this paranoid without weed…

I came out to this part of the country to meet up with with Doug Stanhope I got to open for him for 2 shows (I’ve got some good post show footage from Brattleboro, VT that I will post soon!) He is an amazing comic, a hell of a nice guy and was cool enough to let me tag along for a few days on his “Cruel and Unusual Comedy Tour” Along with Stanhope I also got to work with Brendon Walsh, another super funny comic and one of the “Unbookables“. Along the way I met some other great comics from Boston and did some networking of my own on the streets of Massachusetts (pronounced, match-ah-chew-shits)…

panhandling with paul

This is my friend Paul. I met him outside of the 24Mart on the corner Brighton and Harvard in Allston, MA. I thought it would be nice if he let me try and increase his panhandling intake by accompanying his, “Please, in a kind way sir/ma’am can ya help a brotha out?” with the beautiful bovine attracting rhythms of my berimbau. Paul told me he was, in fact, not homeless but stayed in a shit little apartment close by. He was asking for money because he was broke until Friday and needed a 1/2 pint of whiskey. I had a sneaking suspicion that his shit little apartment was in an abandoned building. He offered me to crash with him and his friend Steve who was working the corner across the street. Hmmmm, tempting but I had to pass… It was a tough night for all of us. Paul got enough for his 1/2 pint and gave me the $1.84 left over. I declined but he insisted, saying “I’m not selfish, take it! I got what I needed, you’re homeless too man!” I started to explain, “Yeah, but…” well thats as far as I got. I didn’t feel like explaining it so I accepted his generous offer. I will have to pay a toll sometime again soon and I really hate that. I guess that’s justifiable, using bummed booze money to pay tolls with? Either that or put it towards a new pair of nail clippers…

Thats it for now. I’ve got to go drum up some better stories. Or maybe I’ll just keep on…

shopping for an audience

One Response to “I got to New England and realized, I need to cut my toenails!”

  1. hemp » I got to New England and realized I need to cut my toenails.  Says:

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