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Goodwill Hunting
So let me get this straight, you ARE a thrift store… right? AND you have an “OUTLET” store?
My friend Brant introduced me to Oregons best kept secret… I KNOW!!! I was equally impressed and confused as we pulled up to the storefront… What possible purpose could a Goodwill outlet store serve? What items could they possibly carry? Is it the junk that even the junkies find unfitting?
There was only one way to find out… I HAD TO GO UNDERCOVER!
What a strange and magical place! If the devil wore a blue dress so could I. After all I felt like I was in the belly of the beast! The place where dead junk goes to die. A place where, even if the Goodwill store they were carting stuff in from burnt down, they would dump the ashes in the bins figuring someone could probably use them. Whatever the case it would be one of the cheapest purchases you could make, almost everything was sold by the pound!!
The real fun began when I stopped judging what seemed like a poor attempt at milking every last penny out of the best useless crap America had to offer and started to do what I do best, which is make an ass out of myself. And when I say useless I mean shit like an opened box of candy canes…? Whats the difference between a Goodwill Outlet bin and a trash can? NOTHING!
With enough imagination this place reeked of possibilities… by the pound!
I taught Hulk Hogan how to make a boat.
Then Brant and I decided that even toy pirates enjoy a little booty… even if it comes from a baby doll. Pirates a notorious pervs anyway so it seemed appropriate. Everyone around us thought it was inappropriate…
Ever wonder how much an army jacket weighs? Too much!!! At least thats what Brant thinks…
All in all a good visit. I always feel satisfied when I experience that kind of irony first hand. Goodwill and Outlet just don’t seem like two words you will ever hear together often. I do like the idea of making cheap shit even cheaper. The candy canes didn’t taste a day over 6 years old.
September 17th, 2008 at 4:13 am
Great post, Brian.
I never knew “Goodwill Outlets” existed. Thanks for taking me into the magical world of shit-by-the-pound.